I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
