where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
