Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize