I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
