If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
