I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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