I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
