She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
