I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
