Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So drunk its hurt
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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