You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize