Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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