if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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