watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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