My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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