her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I FOUND THE LEGS
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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