Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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