don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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