Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
