Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I came so hard my ears popped.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
