So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
