Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize