After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
