I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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