But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
