so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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