isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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