i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
