Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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