hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize