somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
