Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
two words: eviction party
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
