You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
