thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
