In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
