The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
