I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
