Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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