none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
