mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
