I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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