I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
