actually, I'm a sock model
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
