return my video game
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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