yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
