Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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