I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Randomize
