you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
