I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
