so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
