There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
