She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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