The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
