So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
sex in a hospital.. check
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
