At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
