My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
