He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize