Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
