naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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