i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
