Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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