it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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