he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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