I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
