Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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