The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
