Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
