I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
