I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
