Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
