I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize