He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
