That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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