After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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