Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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