3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
