no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
